Tuesday, August 12, 2014

What NOT to say...

I came across another blog post last week that really made me think. This woman, Rachel Lewis, hit the nail right on the head. If you haven't read her blog post, do so. It's perfect. I definitely agree that my loss was all in God's plan. I have accepted that, but it doesn't make it hurt any less. It amazes me how many people just blow it off, like it isn't a big deal. Yet most of these same people are ready for an abortion argument at a moment's notice. An abortion? It was a baby that had a heartbeat, that had human rights, that deserved to live and could have cured cancer! A miscarriage? There was something wrong with it, it wasn't really a baby, you'll get over it, everything happens for a reason, you can just have another one.

"There was something probably wrong with it": Well, maybe. It looked like my baby hadn't really developed. However, there is no way to tell if there was something wrong with the baby, or if it was something else that caused Sunny not to develop properly. There are a few different things that can cause a miscarriage, and without testing, there is no way to tell. I have hypothyroidism and am positive for autoimmune antibodies that can cause miscarriages. It could have also been low progesterone (which I will be tested for if it ever happens again). Even if there was something wrong with it, that doesn't make me feel any better right now. For all I know, it could have been perfectly healthy. My husband and I have both talked about this, and we definitely would have rather lost Sunny than have him been born and be miserable and very sick. But that doesn't HELP the pain any.

"It wasn't really a baby": Yes, it was...I was pregnant. A fertilized egg implanted in my uterus. I'm not sure why people say this, it doesn't make any sense. I mean, if you want to get technical, it was an embryo. Which is still a baby.

"You'll get over it": No, I won't. It will get easier, but I will never forgot the emotional pain, the physical pain, the sadness. I will never not be sad thinking about my baby dying. As soon as I had a positive pregnancy test, I was happy. I was a mommy of two.

 "Everything happens for a reason": I believe that this is true...but it doesn't make it any easier for me. It was God's plan, but it wasn't my plan. I have accepted that God needed my baby more than I did. But I can still hurt, and I do still hurt.

"You can just have another one": Probably, but nothing will ever replace Sunny. If I am blessed with another baby, I will love it dearly, but I will still feel have a part of me that feels empty.

"I'm so sorry. I'll pray for you.": Thank you very much.

As I've stated before, these comments don't bug me very much. People don't know what to say for the most part, so they say the first thing that comes to mind. I appreciate people trying to help me and make me feel better. But these are definitely my thoughts with each of these. However, I love each and every person that has said anything at all to me about our loss. Even if your comment stings a little.

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