Thursday, September 25, 2014

Why worry?

I have truly had a great week! I've been doing deep-breathing exercises and a few other relaxation techniques. I have noticed that I keep a lot of stress in my chest area. Even when I'm having an easy, good day, I feel the stress building up in my chest. That's obviously not good! But I've felt much better over the past few days.

I've also been trying to maintain a positive outlook on everything. I feel like I have always had bad luck most of the time, even as a child. But I have been trying to count my blessings. This is hard for me to do because I am a pessimist (naturally, because of how things usually go for me). However, I have blessings, and I'm trying to keep them on my mind instead of thinking of worst-case scenarios and other things that have went wrong in my life. Thinking of things that have went wrong before make me think that other things will turn out negatively in the future. I feel as if it is a never-ending cycle. "If it can go wrong, it will". I seem to believe in luck. Some people have it, and some people don't. I've heard so many times that if you think positively, positive things will happen, but if you have a negative outlook on life, then negative things will happen. I don't believe that at all. I believe that was coined by someone who has had a great, lucky life. I have a negative outlook on life because that is what I have experienced. Even when things were okay, they weren't great. However, I'm blessed because I have a wonderful husband and a beautiful, sweet child, and I am trying to remember that some people would kill for that. I may have what I consider "bad luck" but some people can't have a child. Some people lost their child, lost their husband. Some people are out there starving and cold. I am comparing myself to people I know, and in that sense, I'm not the lucky one. But when I stop and think about people I don't know, I realize that while I don't feel very blessed sometimes, that I am. So I need to remember THAT. I worry every month that I won't get pregnant, or that I will, and I'll lose it. I was on Pinterest and found this quote, and it has truly helped me. I wrote it on my bathroom mirror with a dry erase marker, and I also put it as the lock screen on my phone.

Another thing I've been doing is eating healthier and trying to lose weight. I did the same thing while TTC Audrey because we were about to go to the beach, and I thought what the heck . If I can't get pregnant, I'll lose weight and look good. Then I got pregnant. I was 138 and got down to 132 in a few weeks and found out I was pregnant, and I was 138 again last week. I'm 136 as of this morning so I'm two pounds down (and technically I only started my diet on Monday). So far, so good.

So with all of that being said, we are on cycle 6 TTC. I'm on cd10 and all of my ovulation tests look the same, so nothing yet. I'm hoping for a cd15ish ovulation again! That would be amazing. My husband and I decided to try the SI again this month, and then skip it next cycle and go from there. I'm trying to focus on "right now" instead of worrying about the future. If we get a positive pregnancy test, I'll be calling right away for a progesterone check, and that's really all I can do to help the pregnancy. If "it" happens again, I'll demand testing. Besides all of that, I can't do anything but put my faith and trust in God.

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