Wednesday, December 31, 2014


Unfortunately today we found out that our third baby passed away. It is pretty unbelievable but at the same time I've had this gut feeling since our last ultrasound. I lost most of my symptoms in week 9 and this baby was measuring about 9 weeks today when I was supposed to be 11 weeks pregnant.

Surprisingly I am doing okay (for now) but it is very upsetting.


Thursday, December 4, 2014

I can never feel reassured.

Our first appointment was a surprise. We met with the nurse and then my OB, then they told me that they were sending me back for an ultrasound. I immediately became nervous becauseiI wasn't expecting one until the next visit.

The tech came and got us and then informed me that she was doing an abdominal ultrasound (which struck me as odd). I was under the impression that transvaginal should be done until second trimester.

She said she would switch to transvaginal if she couldn't find a heartbeat. Luckily she found my baby and told me I was measuring 6w6d. Then she had me hold my breath twice. The first time it looked like the heart rate was 110bpm, but the second time she announced it was 109bpm and that it would get faster.

Now, I originally thought this sounded fine so early but upon telling a few people, I realiEd that it was very low. The LOW end of what people told me they had at that stage was 120!so I called the nurse back the next day and she told me for six weeks 109 was at the low end. My heart sunk. I told her I should he 6w4d and measured 6w6d and she said "Even though you're at the very low end of normal, try not to worry".

😑 Are you freaking kidding me?

Someone told me that maybe an abdominal ultrasound wouldn't "pick up" the heartbeat as well as a transvaginal, so maybe it was off, but my nurse crushed those dreams by telling me it should pick it up just as well.

She also didn't offer me a follow-up, which shocked me since I found three people at my gestation who were above 110bpm but below 120bpm and they were offered a follow-up and told it was low.

I've found horror stories and success stories, unfortinatldt it seems to be around 50/50 so I am of course upset and don't know what to expect.

I am trying not to think the worst but at this point it is really hard not to.

I don't know what I will do if we lose this baby, too.

Monday, December 1, 2014


I am late on writing this...we've had lots of things going on, Thanksgiving festivities and the birth of our niece being the main two.

I am still pregnant! I miscarried Sunny at 5w6d and I have hit 6w3d. I am a lot more relaxed this time around, but I have still had some worries. I still don't have morning sickness, and I have minimal cramping/stretching feelings. Those were the two things that made me realize that my pregnancy with Sunny wasn't viable.

I guess some would say I *do* have morning sickness if they have never had it. If I do, it's extremely mild. I'd say for a small portion of the day, my stomach feels a tiny bit unsettled and weird. I have never felt nauseous as if I was about to be sick. I did run to the toilet twice, but one was because of a particularly disgusting diaper that had me gagging, and the other was because of some weird, overwhelming feeling to run to the toilet and an odd sensation...but it was not nausea. This all started at 4w6d. Skipped 5w0d and started again. I have felt a bit uncomfortable at times, not wanting to get out of my chair, do chores, walk around etc because it aggravates the feeling. I also sometimes feel a tad sick first thing upon waking, but it goes away quickly without eating. I'd say 80% of my "nausea" I get AFTER eating.

I really don't know what to think. Feeling a little weird makes me feel positive because it is SOMETHING...maybe I am pregnant with a boy? With Audrey I was just horribly sick by now. My breasts are still really sore. I had some stretching sensations during week three, and maybe a couple of days into week four. I had some cramps the night of 4w2d, and a few more cramps in the past week, but just really quick ones. Not really much at all going on.

Our first appointment is tomorrow, and while the nurse mentioned wanting me at almost 7 weeks to hear a heartbeat, the receptionist said I didn't have an ultrasound scheduled when I called to inquire. It is too early to attempt a doppler, so I have no idea why the nurse mentioned that. I assume they will schedule an ultrasound tomorrow. I think tomorrow will be a pap smear, possibly a check to see if my uterus is enlarged (hope it is), and me getting a huge bag full if pamphlets, magazines, info sheets, etc.

All I know is that I really just want to see/hear or even just hear the heartbeat. I would feel so much better!