Thursday, August 27, 2015

11dpo update

Early pregnancy is seriously so nerve-wracking.

I used to worry about the test line not darkening fast enough, now I worry about it darkening too fast. With Sunny, after a week or so, they started darkening less. With Hope, they darkened very fast, and when I got my HCG levels, they went from 43 to 187 in 48 hours...more than quadrupling. I don't remember where I read it, but I read somewhere later on that levels rising that fast was a sign of something wrong (blighted ovum, molar pregnancy) but that it could also mean a chromosomal abnormality of some kind. Then again, it could just be normal, or it could be multiples. Here is the pic of Monday (8dpo) and today (11dpo) both FMU.

Obviously the line has gotten much darker, but I really don't know if that is normal or not. Having issues with Hope has made this so much harder. Luckily, that was my last pregnancy test. So I won't be taking anymore, I'm just going to sit back and let the pregnancy progress. I've got sore boobs, so my body knows it is pregnant. I just hate not truly feeling pregnant!

My OB put me on progesterone, so I'm on that, taking 5mg of methylfolate on top of the 1mg in my prenatal vitamin, taking DHA, my daily baby aspirin, and my synthroid. I'm trying literally everything I can to make sure that this pregnancy works out. If it doesn't, I will know that I did everything that I could. But I am trying to stay positive, and overall I have a good feeling about this one.

I'm due on May 8, Mother's Day!

Monday, August 24, 2015

It's Test Day...

I hate test day so much, because it is filled with so much sadness when the test is negative. There is just so much disappointment. I always start testing too early, too. It sucks.

During the last month, I have considered doing a vlog on YouTube. I love watching these women take tests every month, it gets me excited and I always end up crying for them! It has just always seemed so fun, although time-consuming.

It turns out, it's too late to start a vlog, because I'm very cautiously expecting!
I really can't believe it, I wasn't expecting this at all this month. I felt really out because of our timing, but I guess this just shows that my husband's swimmers are not the problem! I'm married to a fertile myrtle, ya'll!!! I am 8dpo according to my chart, and 10dpo according to fertile signs. My chart shows that there is no way I am 10dpo though because of my temperatures, but I don't know, these tests are faint but in person are a darker than any 8dpo test I have ever taken. I could have definitely gotten squinters to show up yesterday.
We are due May 8. My first appointment is in a month and we will have an ultrasound. My OB is calling me in some progesterone, which is good. My level was only 13 on Friday. That is higher than what it was with Audrey at that point in time, but not by much. I've always heard that they want it above 20 in a clomid cycle, and it isn't there.
I am hoping everything works out with this pregnancy, and I'm feeling very optimistic! No stress this time around!!!! Please let this be our rainbow!

P.S. If you have me on Facebook, please do not say anything. We plan to announce after our ultrasound if everything goes well. Just keep us in your thoughts and prayers, please!

Wednesday, August 19, 2015

3 days past ovulation.

So far, this clomid is doing what it needs to be doing!

My temperature instantly shot up to as high as it ever gets during the TWW, and it usually takes me 6-8 days to get there. That means clomid raised my progesterone levels, which also makes me think I really did have a strong ovulation and a good egg. I am super excited for this! I knew it was just what my body needed. I also started using Progessence Plus yesterday. I feel like it has really calmed me down and helped with my mood swings, but we will see after a few more days of use!

However, I already have doubts that this will be "the cycle". I have *only* gotten pregnant on cycles where we tried the day before ovulation. We tried three days in a row, then skipped a day, because I thought that was ovulation day. Turns out, it was the day before ovulation. So we did O-4, O-3, & O-2. I don't know what my husband's sperm count/motility etc is like. I can only assume it is at least okay since he has gotten me pregnant 3-4 times, and I have him on many vitamins to help with that just in case. I still definitely have a chance this cycle, so I just need to hope that everything with him is working the way it is supposed to and that everything else (luck, if such a thing exists) is on our side this month. If not, then next month we will be back to every other day. But I hate every other day, because I never know if it is the right every other day! Some studies say you have more of a chance of getting pregnant two days before ovulation, while some studies say it is the day before, and yet others say they are about the same. So I don't know.

I just need to think positively, as surely, surely, surely there were some swimmers up there waiting still. Right? :)

Friday, August 14, 2015

oh my ovaries.

Ohhhh my goodness.

I am in SO much pain today! My ovaries are going to explode (or at least that is what it feels like)! I honestly hope today is ovulation day - that would be amazing as we timed it PERFECTLY! I used to have o pains every cycle (although never this painful), but the past three cycles I haven't. Which really makes me wonder if I've been ovulating like my doctor said, because three months ago, the first cycle I didn't have it, FF said I didn't ovulate. The past two cycles I haven't temped. Maybe I have been ovulating, just not very strong? Who knows!

What I do know is:

I feel like I am releasing a golf ball instead of a miniscule egg. It is ridiculous! Also, if I am indeed ovulating today, it is amazing because it is actually cd14! I have never ovulated this early since I began charting in 2011. How awesome is that!? Hopefully my temperature jumps up tomorrow.
In other news...

Yes, people, there is a downside to being open about infertility and loss. Getting really sick and tired of people these days. I see you over there. It always hurts me to see people not even trying to understand the infertility and loss communities. Don't say we are having pity parties because we still talk about our losses months later. Don't say we are negative because we've had negative things happen to us and that is how we see life *right now*. Comments like this show that you have not even attempted to understand my situation. Not only is it clear from your words, but it is clear because none of the people making comments about me EVER ask how I am doing. They all asked within a week or so of my losses, but that's it. After that, we should be totally over losing our babies, and we shouldn't even be upset about general infertility issues. "It's not a big deal, if I were you, I'd just go with the flow and relax"...right? No. You have no idea what you are talking about at all. You don't understand, so you should just stop. Quit judging and making assumptions and do a bit of research, have a little bit of sympathy, and then work on empathy.

Sometimes I really regret being open about my issues. Everyone now thinks they can say anything they want about it because I've shared so much about it. Well, all I can say, is if you can't be nice or understanding during this crap, don't expect me to be bff's with you when (hopefully) it is all over for me. It doesn't work that way. If you're an ass once, you're an ass for always.

Tuesday, August 11, 2015

cd11 update.

No signs of ovulation yet!

As usual, I'm a bit of a worry wart.

I started clomid and then of course had someone say "Be careful, clomid can thin your uterine lining. If you get a light period, tell your doctor". This immediately scared me, as I've had decently heavy periods for my entire life, but they've been especially heavy since the first miscarriage, and very heavy since the d&c with the second miscarriage. This last period, however, was strangely light for me. I won't go into details, but I thought it was very strange. Then I remembered...I took soy isoflavones, which are supposedly similar to clomid, for three cycles in a row. Three cycles in a row is when you should start being careful with clomid because of a thin lining.

I did a bit of research, and most of it concluded that if ANYTHING, soy isoflavones should thicken your lining. I even read a few women who had an RE who put them on soy isoflavones and clomid both to cancel out the uterine lining thinning that clomid causes. So who really knows. I can't believe everything I read on the internet, so just in case, I came up with a plan to possibly help this situation.

I decided to do everything possible to keep my uterine lining from thinning. I did lots of research and came up with these ideas:

- Raspberry Leaf Tea
- POM juice
- Vitamin E
- Royal Jelly
- Flaxseed
- B Vitamins

They all supposedly keep your lining thick. I've been drinking 1-3 cups a day of Raspberry Leaf Tea (only until ovulation), a cup of POM juice, 800IU of Vitamin E, one tablespoon of Royal Jelly, one tablespoon of flaxseed, and one b-complex a day. If my period still seems slightly light this cycle (oh please, God, don't let my period come), then I will talk to my OB about Femara or a monitoring ultrasound next cycle.

Along with all of that, I've picked up charting my BBT again, because I think it will help me since Clomid is likely to mess with my ovulation, and I want to know when to stop using pre-seed. That stuff is expensive! I also bought some essential oils, including Progessence Plus, that I plan on using on cd21 (if I have ovulated then). I hope that helps my progesterone levels! I've heard some good testimonials! I am trying to remain hopeful this cycle, but I did have a little breakdown last night. It is really hard to keep hope. I haven't felt any cramping yet from the clomid, but man have I had some other symptoms, so I suppose it is working. Let's hope so! :)

Monday, August 3, 2015

Bring it on!

Guess what!?

This lady finally started clomid today! I have been waiting for this moment for ages. It may not work, but I have complete faith that it will (positivity!). I almost didn't get it, because when he came in and we started talking about it, he went into a similar spiel as other doctors have when I bring up anything about ttc. In thirty seconds I was already feeling helpless as he just told us to keep trying since it has only been since January that we have been trying this time around. I get that, but I'm seriously just feeling so down since in reality we have been trying much longer than that. Luckily, he actually asked me questions instead of cutting me off like other doctors do. We talked about my lack of fertile cervical mucus and my cycles, and after hearing I sometimes have longer cycles, he decided that I may not always ovulate, and that clomid might be a good option for me.
I actually have always thought that I ovulate every single month. I just don't think that I ovulate very strongly. However, after looking back now, I think there is one cycle since the d&c that I didn't ovulate on. My temperatures that cycle were very erratic. It never showed ovulation for me - I thought that I ovulated anyway since I had some high temperatures, but every high temperature was met with a lower one, below coverline. I also am having a VERY light period this cycle, which is odd for me, especially since the d&c. I don't know what that is about. I didn't chart this cycle or last, though, and I didn't take opk's this month. I did get EWCM for once though.
Anyway, I am taking it cd3-7 and we are doing a progesterone draw on cd21, which will be a Tuesday. I probably won't be 7dpo then, but oh well. Unless my body just acts crazy, I should have at least ovulated by then. I ordered some Progessence Plus to take as well to help my progesterone, but I'm going to wait to take it until after my progesterone check just so I can have some sort of idea what is going on there. I've only had two progesterone checks, one the cycle I was pregnant with Audrey on 7dpo (it was 7.6) and one the cycle I was pregnant with Hope, when my period was due (I never asked what it was because I was kind of scared to know). So this will be interesting. Clomid may also help my progesterone levels, which could help me get and stay pregnant as well.
So there you have it. I'm super excited for this cycle, and I sure hope it all works out. We are so ready for this rainbow baby (or babies). Bring it on!