Thursday, September 3, 2015

4 weeks 5 days

I am trying so hard to be positive about this pregnancy. It seems like one minute I'll feel very positive about it and the next minute I just feel super negative. It's hard after losses. People keep telling me "Oh stop thinking like that" and "Just don't think about it". Nobody saying these things to me would be able to take their own advice in my situation. I can't stand it when people act like I'm being stupid for worrying.

I decided to compile a list of good/bad things so far.
The Good:
~ My tests are still very dark.
~ I'm cramping some almost every day.
~ My boobs are insanely sore, more than the last two pregnancies.
~ I've gagged at smells for the past two mornings.
~ I've felt some "almost" nausea for about a week now, mostly after eating. Not what I would call sick yet.
The Bad:
~ I haven't actually felt nauseous. By this time with Audrey, I was VERY sick. With my first loss, I never got sick, and with my second loss, I had very faint nausea.
~ My dark tests are very, very dark, which most people don't see as bad, but with my last pregnancy, it was.
~ My last test was a bit more faint than the exact same brand of test I took two days prior.
~ My progesterone that I am taking could be giving me the symptoms that I do have.
Everyone keeps telling me not to compare pregnancies, but there is really no way not to. I will say that this pregnancy feels much more like my pregnancy with Audrey than the other two did, except for the lack of morning sickness. Everyone keeps telling me that not everyone gets morning sickness, and I know that, but in *my* experience, with *my* pregnancies, I've only carried to term when I was sick.
I hate that my ultrasound isn't until I am 8 weeks and 3 days pregnant. Still SO far off. I hope that I make it to then, and I hope everything looks great then. I keep hoping that I wake up to morning sickness, but so far it hasn't happened yet. Hopefully soon. I really am trying to stay positive, but if I don't get sick in the next few days I'm really not going to have much hope for this pregnancy at all. I'm doing my very best not to get attached.

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