Friday, December 18, 2015

20 weeks pregnant

Wow! Today is the 20-week mark!

So far, everything is going great. I'm finally starting to feel better, although I still have to take nausea meds. When I forget, I do still feel sick all day. I also am still having terrible headaches. As much as both of those things suck, I definitely prefer it to not being pregnant. It's worth it.

All I've been doing is soaking up baby kicks. I will almost certainly never experience this again, so I just want to remember all of it. With Audrey, I enjoyed it, but I never thought I would be faced with the things I was faced with after having her. After going through infertility and/or losses, it definitely changes you completely. I just want to enjoy every minute of this pregnancy, from here on out.

On the topic of never experiencing this again, this will be our second living child (knock on wood). My husband and I tossed around the idea of three kids early on in our relationship and marriage. Back when we were beginning to try for baby #2, I was still kind of wanting three kids. After going through what we did, I definitely don't want another child. I don't want to experience loss again, I don't want to try anymore. It is just way too much, physically and emotionally. I truly commend the women who have several losses, even stillbirths, and keep trying. I know I wouldn't be able to handle much more than what I did. The strength some women have just amazes me.

I've already had several people ask me if we are having another, and even when I say we are done, a lot of them still make jokes with me like "you never know, you'll probably end up with an accident", or "you'll decide to have another". The jokes about having an accident are fine (although I deem that unlikely), but when people act like I just have no clue what I'm talking about when I say we won't try for a number three? No, we *know* we don't want to go through this again! At this point in time, the only reason I would possibly try again for another is if something happened to this baby, and that is still a big maybe.

So it is crazy knowing I am half-way through this pregnancy, and I will almost certainly never experience baby kicks, hiccups again after next May. It's quite sad, but I'm thankful that I've been able to experience it at all, because some women never do. I am definitely not taking this for granted.

1 comment:

  1. Boy do I know the feelings you are having about this being the last pregnancy. I've had only 2 people ask/mention about more kids after Lucy, and it was awful, especially the second one since it was an acquaintance. The first I was able to easily respond, "No, we're done. Jon made me agree that if we brought Lucy home we were done." The second, though, was just the other week at the library. Lucy was fascinated by a set of twins (a trigger for me) and the mom said, "It looks like she's make a great big sister." I was so floored that all I could come up with was, "If you want to pay for all of our fertility treatments" before going into the costs to conceive all of our kids. And the accident comment just gets me. I hate that so much that I tell people, "Well, I don't ovulate on my own, so if I'm not breastfeeding, TTC or pregnant I'm on birth control. So, it really would be a miracle of an accident." I know they don't know, but it doesn't change what my feelings do.

    Wishing you a peaceful rest of the pregnancy so that you can relish in this time.